We met online at Match.com. In typical online fashion we started exchanging a few e-mails to get a little conversation going as well as inquire about a few more things before actually meeting. Personally I like this pre-screening to avoid wasting time. People are a bit more open via e-mail than they are in person.
Due to our schedules we actually couldn't get together for a few weeks for the first date. But we kept up a very steady diet of e-mails really getting to know more about each other. Finally we had our first date which was very nice. It ended up being very long and we were both fairly comfortable after the initial 'first date' nervousness was past.
We had a second date and then a third along with e-mails and texting. To clarify we are both single parents so our schedules were rather mismatched and the dates were about once a week. Overall it seemed to be going well as we had many things in common and talked easily. But after the third date we were moving into a very 'comfortable' zone where it felt like she was treating me like her boyfriend. She told me that her Mom and friends all thought I sounded wonderful.
But the problem was I felt something was missing in the relationship. She was nice, we got along well, but there was a specific spark missing for me. From her perspective everything was great and moving along well. When we would meet there was the hello kiss, lots of hand holding, and similar things.
She started getting me a few gifts and then had me meet some of her friends. It was moving a bit fast as we hadn't technically gone out a fourth time yet (I didn't count meeting her friends as a date) and we had been 'seeing each other' less than a month. I was still getting to know her.
After the fourth date I came to terms that it wasn't going to work out. That missing spark was too big of a deal to me. I didn't want to just date someone and hope it would occur especially because of the way it seemed she was viewing our 'relationship'. So I called her up and told her how I felt and ended it. She was shocked.
I know this because she told me how shocked and upset she was in various e-mails and texts over the next 24 hours. There were a lot of questions about what she did wrong, was she moving too fast, why I was freaking out, and the like.
As a guy I didn't view this as freaking out. I felt the relationship wasn't going to work out and made a decision to end it. There was no pinnacle moment that tipped a scale. But in her mind she was second guessing everything she had done and was trying to figure out what went wrong. Then it was talking to her friends and getting their opinions before politely relating them back to me as what was wrong with me and such.
So I didn't freak out (and my guy friends back me up on this one) but she thought I freaked out (and her girl friends backed her up) because our relationship was getting too serious for me. Who is right and who is wrong? It all depends on which side of the story you are in I guess. The morale of this story is that it doesn't have to be something that makes me (or us) freak out. It can just be a decision. But you (women) shouldn't always try to pick it apart as such.
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