What NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) does it give you controls in your car so you can manage the hills and obstacles. It translates the signposts for you so you can make choices about which way to go.
As parents we make decisions every minute of every day and mostly things work out well and we feel blessed with our children. Other times though things don't go so well and no matter what we do, we feel guilty or we feel we've failed as parents. Imagine you believed that these feelings of failure were instead feedback that we can learn from? You will learn in my workshops how to use the feedback to do things differently to get the result you want. If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got.
We often think it's our children who need to change when in fact we have more control over what we do so by making changes ourselves we can affect the changes we want to see in them. Let me give you an example; lots of mums tell me they have difficulty getting their child to get ready for school in the morning. They shout, cajole, bribe and chivvy to no avail. This is like the signpost in a foreign language. Your child is using a different language. Is your child visual, auditory or kinaesthetic?
A visual child will respond much better to 'Look at the time' or 'See how quickly you can put your shoes on' or 'I can see you're nearly ready now'. An auditory child will respond to 'Listen to me' or 'Tell me if you've got your lunch box' or 'Let's talk about your homework in the car'. A kinaesthetic child wants to be active anyway but possibly not getting ready for school so 'Hurry along now How fast can you get ready?' or 'Let's get into the car'. Do you know which your child is?
Some children are 'small chunk' they want instructions in small bits so rather than 'Get a move on we need to be in the car now' (big chunk) instead give him one thing to do at a time - shoes, bag, teeth etc
Is your child 'towards' or 'away from'? A 'towards' child needs to know what you want him to do eg get to school on time whereas an 'away from' child doesn't want to be late or doesn't want to leave the TV. Express what you need in their language.
Some children are 'choices' others are 'process'. A 'choices' child likes options so offer him choices about whether to do teeth first or after shoes for example. A 'process' child wants a list or a plan 'we need to do this and then that'.
If your child is 'internally referenced' he will want to check in with what he needs to do himself so ask 'what do you think you need to do now?' whereas an 'externally referenced' child will want to know what you want him to do and cares what other people will say so 'what will your teacher say if you are late again?' would work for him.
Look for the positive intention. Your child does not set out to annoy you. That is your response to his behaviour. Your child just wants to carry on what he's doing at the moment which is enjoyable. Find another way to get him to do what you need. Focus on what's working well rather than what is going wrong. Remind him of how well he did something, how quickly he got dressed or how well he ate his breakfast and how great it's going to be to get to school on time.
NLP is a great tool to add to your parenting skills whatever age your child is. If you'd like to know more; join me on one of my workshops.
The next one is:
FRIDAY 4TH FEBRUARY 10AM -12AM
BURNHAM PARK HALL
lb25 INCLUDING A SIGNED COPY OF MY NEW BOOK
If you would prefer a one to one session for yourself or your child contact me on 01628 660618 or email judy@nlpkids.com
Judy Bartkowiak is an NLP Master Practitioner and coaches parents, teachers and children. Her book 'Teach Yourself: Be a happier parent with NLP' is on sale through Horizons Bookshop in Burnham High Street (01628 662121)
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