who try to play it both ways- so they keep
on talking the "dating guru" talk and they
all hang out with the other "pick up artist"
crowd, and then they ALSO want to
pretend to be the good guys who just
want to teach you how to get a girlfriend.
THE REALITY THOUGH, IS THAT THE "PICK UP ARTIST"
AND WANNABE "DATING GURU" STUFF ACTUALLY
PREVENTS YOU FROM GETTING
ANYWHERE, ESPECIALLY WITH
A QUALITY WOMAN.
To cut right to the chase, a lot of guys want
to know, "IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THIS PLAYING"
"GAMES STUFF ON WOMEN? DOES THE STUFF WORK"
"AT ALL?"
The answer to that question is that it is
MILDLY effective on CERTAIN women,
and it's almost ALWAYS short-term and
MOST IMPORTANTLY," IT ALWAYS"
"SCREWS YOU IN THE END," and not in a
good way.
There is a much, MUCH better way.
The problem with the "mental games" approach
is that it's based on CREATING and EXPLOITING
INSECURITY.
Then, on top of that, it's based on exploiting the
GREED factor in the human mind.
Now, I know some guys might be saying
"WHO CARES, AS LONG AS IT WORKS
TO GET THE GIRL".
Right?
Well, here's the thing, it doesn't REALLY
get the guy the girl, not anymore so than
Lex Luthor or the Green Goblin is being
genuine when he says he wants to be nice
and help the world. You can be sure if he's
being nice, it's part of a plan to take OVER.
So, for example, it's typical of the 'games'
to say something to the woman to cause her
to doubt her own worth. The supposed
"pick up artists" (more on this later) will
say mild insults but try to get off with it
by pretending it's all just a sense of humor
and joking around. Some will not even
go that far, if they think they can get
away with it.
Whether it's a carefully worded insult in the
form of a "innocent joke" or a carefully thought
out negative remark about her looks, her intelligence,
or whatever else she might be insecure about, the
BOTTOM LINE is that they are giving something
known in human communication as
DISCONFIRMING FEEDBACK.
This is the opposite of CONFIRMING FEEDBACK, i.e.
confirming feedback can be as simple as you
saying hi to someone and that person saying
hi back.
Disconfirming feedback might be not responding
at all, giving the person a cold reply, etc.
Disconfirming feedback can also include negative
comments like, for example, let's say someone
is coming back from the gym, someone who
works out hard and is getting results, and they
meet a person who is insecure about their own
looks, and the insecure person gives disconfirming
feedback to the other by saying that working out
is actually unhealthy because of this or that,
or that the healthy food the person is eating
is actually not healthy, etc, etc.
All this stuff is mental warfare.
It's designed to make the person feel insecure,
and to feel, in the process, that the OTHER
person has more value, or at the very least,
to feel INSECURE in the presence of this
other person.
This is very sick stuff.
However, there's also a very PRACTICAL
reason why you would want to NEVER
engage in this kind of thing.
REASON NUMBER ONE:
THESE ACTIONS MAKE YOU INSECURE
The reality is that 97% of communication is
delivered not so much by what you say, but
HOW you say it.
The HOW includes not only your tonality and
facial expression and body language as you say it,
but the how ALSO includes the OVERALL
vibe you give off in your EVERY ACTION
IN GENERAL with her, which is what creates
her OVERAL PERSPECTIVE of you and
what you say.
So, if you even feel the NEED to have to
"GAME" her rather than BE A MAN, this
weakness will SHOW through.
It might not always show through IMMEDIATELY,
if you are a really good actor, but it will
DEFINITELY show soon enough, no matter
how good the guy is at coming up with
abusive new behaviors aimed at destroying
her self esteem.
By the way, there are women who do this
to men as well, and so there is no monopoly
on sleazebags from either gender.
You'll notice though that again, the people
who use this abusive stuff are very insecure
people. It's not a good thing, it's not a healthy
or happy way to live. So not only does it
sabotage your results with women, but
it also makes you miserable in general
as well.
So if you really want to ooze genuine confidence
that attracts a woman, then the LAST thing you
want to do is hang out with the so called "experts"
who associate themselves with playing "the game".
REASON NUMBER TWO:
IT'S NOT YOU AGAINST HER
This whole "attacking her self-esteem" thing
would be fine if you were looking for an
ENEMY to defeat, to attack, to whatever.
But you want a woman who is going to be
on YOUR SIDE, who is going to be someone
that is WORTHY of being with you.
As soon as you get into the whole disconfirming
feedback, and attacking her self-esteem, you
are really setting yourself up for disaster.
What are you going to do with this woman,
even if you miraculously DID manage to
fool her consistently with the games you
played to make her feel insecure around
you?
Are you going to constantly have a LIFE like
that with her? Constantly be checking to
see if your games are working to keep her
under control?
This type of lifestyle is TORTURE, it's the
complete opposite of what you really want
with a woman, which is to enjoy life MORE
with her, not less! It should be LESS problems
with a great woman in your life, not more!
REASON NUMBER THREE:
AN INSECURE WOMAN IS AN UNSTABLE ONE
If you make a woman feel insecure, this means
she is NOT in a calm stable frame of mind.
It will hamper her progress at work, with her
friends, family, and it may even stir all kinds of
drama from her to try to get YOU to feel insecure
as well.
So at that point you can start to say, hello to
jealousy games, and goodbye to trust.
REASON NUMBER FOUR:
A WOMAN WHO IS SECURE, YET
NOT ARROGANT, IS MORE FUN
On the other hand, as long as a woman is not
EGOTISTICAL, and she loves you, well then
the more SECURE she is, the BETTER.
When a woman feels secure, she is in a better
mood, she is more dynamic and sexual, and
she is more supportive as well.
The truth is, I work on making a woman feel
AS SECURE AS POSSIBLE, because I know
that I want to make sure that she is NOT with
me because I am pressing buttons, but on
the opposite end of things actually, she is
with me because she knows I am NOT pressing
her buttons.
She knows I am absolutely not making her
do ANYTHING and that I enjoy her company
but that I am definitely happy alone too and
that I don't need her or any validation from
anyone. And this is not a "hard to get ACT"
that the pick up artists try to get guys to
PRETEND to do, as they really deep down
are WORSHIPPING the idea of getting the
women, otherwise they wouldn't be so
desperate to give up their own DIGNITY
to the point of having to MANIPULATE
and even ABUSE another human being into
LIKING them. How weird is that?
The irony of this is massive, because this attitude
makes you truly NOT NEEDY, and it simultaneously
makes you more fun to be around, it also sparks
creativity which helps massively in humor, and
it's all coming from being the OPPOSITE of
the "player" and "pick up artist" mentality.
It's amazing, as men, you don't have to be
great looking, you don't have to be rich,
(of course, these things help, and I suggest
you do your best in these areas as well but
not everyone will be a model or Bill Gates
and that's okay) but you HAVE to be CONFIDENT
about YOURSELF.
By the way, the "seduction" community will say
they only "withhold validation" from the woman
so that she will "value" it when they then GIVE
her some validation. This is like saying we only
starve the children so they will enjoy the bread
crumbs when we give it to them. Starving
children will be malnourished, and a woman
or any human who is starved for self-esteem
will behave in maladjusted ways as well.
REASON NUMBER FIVE:
IT DOESN'T WORK ON 'HOTTIES' EITHER
A lot of this "mental games stuff" is often used
on the very women who are the most attractive
on the outside and who often feel they are
high and mighty, etc, etc. and who are the most
"hard to get".
So, supposedly, it's OKAY and GOOD to use
this mental games stuff on them, so the "experts"
say. After all, these women are so confident,
they NEED to have their egos brought back
down to earth, right? Right?
Nope.
It doesn't work on these women either.
So how come you hear about the occasional guy
who says he got some woman this way?
Here's what happens:
The woman who is extremely attractive and gets
this verbal abuse will either react in one of four
ways:
A: She is already attracted to the guy physically
and so she might give him attention, but his
abuse didn't HELP him.
B: She is a low self-esteem woman who now
DOES feel even more insecure from the
abusive tactic, so she will now want to
be with him, but she will also start to
doubt HIS worth for him wanting to be
with HER.
She will create endless drama either feeling
insecure and jealous or feeling that he is
worthless as well so she'll cheat on him.
C: She is an insecure woman, but not as insecure
as the one above. This is where the GREED
factor comes in. See, she already has the
attention of a lot of guys, but not EVERY
guy, so she wants to make sure she has
EVERY guy under her thumb.
This is the greed part.
So what SHE does is tell herself,
"Okay, no problem, I'm going TO SHOW this guy,
that he needs me, just so I can get the self-validation
of seeing him cringe in need for me later".
So what she does is maybe even TALK to him,
maybe even give him the date, whatever it takes
to make him BELIEVE he has finally got
THE PRIZE- and she knows full well that
SHE IS the PRIZE, and that is why he is
doing all this.
So, once the guy is HOOKED, and she knows it,
THEN she pulls out the rug from under his feet,
and 99.99 percent of the time, the guy turns into
a needy puddle of wuss crying for her to just
call him, etc, etc.
If he is from that.01 percent that doesn't turn into
a puddle of wuss, she will come up with a different
tactic and another until he DOES melt.
All this because the whole thing was built on
EGO and manipulation and greed, and what goes
around comes around. Of course, this is not
good for the woman either, because she wastes
her time on the wrong men this way, and the
very need to try to "win" against this guy
rather than just walk away is in itself an
insecurity issue.
D: She is a confident woman with high self-esteem
and thinks "Another weak jerk-off who thinks being
a man means being a jerk" and she dispatches with
him with one swift look and she's GONE from
his sight forever.
REASON NUMBER SIX:
IF SHE CAN BE MANIPULATED BY YOU,
SHE CAN BE MANIPULATED BY OTHER MEN
If you can manipulate a woman
into something, so can someone
else.
I personally don't want or need
extra drama from a woman, so I
need to see just how SOLID she is.
This is why, especially in the
first few dates, I suggest you
focus even more on LISTENING
rather than just what YOU
should say.
Not only does this allow her to feel
comfortable and give her a chance to
speak, (and you don't seem like an
egotistical guy who has to do all
the talking) but it gives you a chance
to see who you are dealing with.
Now, of course, there will be plenty
of chances for you to contribute to
the convo, and you should, but
remember to be LISTENING intently
to see what things are truly important
to this woman.
Pay attention to HER body language
and tonality while SHE says certain
things, to see if she is being honest
about it.
Instead of trying to see what you
can do to get her to do ANYTHING,
focus on seeing what she is like
withOUT you doing any interference.
Again, this is ironic, but this
also works in your favor from an
attraction standpoint since most
guys get so stilted by trying to
make things happen.
So you come across as smoother
and hence she is more attracted
to you.
REASON NUMBER SEVEN:
YOU CAN'T BE DOMINANT WITH
A WOMAN WHO IS ALREADY INSECURE
If a woman is so insecure that she
can be manipulated, you will never
TRULY get to be "THE MAN" with her.
Dominance is used for the woman who
already IS on solid ground, so she
can TAKE it.
So the age-old attraction to
dominance is not even part of
the EQUATION with a woman who
is so insecure that she can be
manipulated.
There's nothing like being with
a woman you TRUST and who IS
confident and can NOT be manipulated
by you or any other guy, and she
DESIRES for you to STILL be
dominant in a way that shows
she trusts you and respects you
as a MAN.
REASON NUMBER EIGHT:
PLAYING GAMES MEANS YOU ACCEPT
THEM AS WELL.
As soon as you get into this world of playing
mental games on people, it becomes a "normal"
part of your reality.
So you start to DEAL in this stuff, rather than
just REJECT it outright.
What I mean by this, is that if engage in this
attitude, and you happen to meet a woman who
you find attractive but who plays this game on
YOU, you say to yourself "I can WIN this game"
when in reality the very INSTANT you make
the mental decision to ENGAGE in this behavior,
you ALREADY have demoted your self-esteem.
If a woman insults you, or abuses you, and you
try to "WIN" or "one up" against her, you are
ALREADY saying to yourself that she is
WORTH engaging.
You are saying that SHE IS WORTH IT.
Rather than saying YOU ARE WORTH MORE
THAN THAT.
So it destroys your self-esteem, and without that,
you have NOTHING, abso-freakin-lutely
NOTHING.
So, the real key is to learn how to develop
GENUINELY ATTRACTIVE TRAITS
rather than just attempting to destroy
HER belief in her value, which is
actually counter-productive.
This is I promote and teach REAL things.
For example, in my latest Actions For Attraction,
it dealt with actually learning how to REGULATE
your INTERNAL STATE even under the stress
of approaching a woman who is a total stranger.
The things taught in that CD will actually have
MEASURABLE results, scientifically.
Your improved state can be MEASURED, by
all kinds of things, from your heart rate under
pressure to the actual BRAIN WAVES given
off.
What I teach is not marketing hyperbole hogwash.
That's why it takes so long for me to create
major new products. my Warrior Within Program
is still in production, but I can't wait for you
to get it when it's finally ready.
And I am massively proud of the products that
I have created to truly help men improve this
area of their lives called "meeting, attracting,
and keeping a great woman."
These programs don't focus on the useless and
NEGATIVE stuff. Instead, they focus on how
to actually MAKE YOU A SUPERIOR CATCH.
Not just "SEEM like a superior catch".
Not just "seem" confident, but actually
BE that way.
Not just a player who has a few funny lines,
but a man who actually has WIT.
Not just a man who SEEMS interesting, but
a man who actually IS.
To check out ALL my programs, go to:
HTTP://GETAGREATGIRL.COM/CATALOGUE.HTML
Best,
Michael Marks
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