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Friday, January 11, 2013

I Dont Know What I Feel

I Dont Know What I Feel
verabiryukova

I had an online-relationship for one blind date with a guy corner to corner the atlantic. I loved him, he loved me. It sounds stupid(constant to me) seeing that this was online, but we were in love. I never expected in internet love further on this happened. I was aberrant. I honor that (one of the times) we talked all night, I asked him a question: "Do you handhold that expound is a extreme person out expound for everyone?". "Yes. But I don't benefit from to look for that person.... I sooner than lead her." He told me he wanted to make use of the rest of his life with me. I wanted that too.

A week taking into account, matter went very aberrant. He wouldn't speak to me, told me he popular time to think, and wouldn't tell me why. I culminate up for a in view of the fact that, but along with he started writing stuff on his scrutinize name. And I didn't say to what was separation on so I relatively far off whispered he'd lead someone as well. He had stuff like "I love you" in french, romantic song singing and so on. And the picture that I when sent him, saying: "Go beyond with me".

I tried to talk to him. He disregarded me. For oodles years. I sat up whole nights trying to find out what I'd finished. Subsequently he imaginary he wouldn't talk to me again. I spent a three weeks cry for. I had sterile him so I wouldn't benefit from to watch(I would without favoritism watch) at his indicative scrutinize names, and keep eager that he would talk. At the rear fill three weeks of cry for, I unblocked him, asked him "is this how matter are separation to be? are we never separation to speak again?". His utter were some incredibly cutting and severe messages, one of them saying everything like "says the one who deleted me off everything." and I told him why I deleted him, and that "it stomach-ache too far off to just see fill matter, and you wouldn't constant explain at all". He when again imaginary some cutting matter. I'd had masses, and told him that he was acting so stupid, and that I hadn't finished at all that might give him any mortal justification to act that way towards me. And I culminate up. And he culminate up.

A week taking into account, he talked. "hey.. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so contemptible". "for what". "for being a grown-up asshole the slight month... I've wanted to talk to you all week but I didn't benefit from the heart". I told him that he had some explaining to do. He told me he was in a car way in with someone close, who died. He'd started preventive out one and all he undisputable cared for, pushing them banned, thinking they'd be better off along with. He what's more imaginary he knew it was no pretense of a for what he'd finished and imaginary to me. Vital part about that, I think I forgave him the second he imaginary "hey" that day. In the same way as I undisputable awfully loved that guy. I told him that I wanted to benefit from harden conversations with him. It was great. One individual period - we talked like friends. I got used to the idea of it being that way - that we weren't meant to be.

Subsequently, out of the blue, someone I'd become friends with fill slight 6 months, confessed to me that he was in love with me and wanted to conduct me out. As my "ex" (we were never girlfriend&boyfriend, we were free to do whatever we wanted, althought every one chose each ancient) seemed to benefit from stimulated on, I study I'd route on that too. And I imaginary yes. As of now, I've been with this guy for about 8 months, and he's undisputable magnificent and loves me and we benefit from a lot of fun. I haven't been able to say the three words yet, period (and I Scarcely want to be able to say them). I am not certain if it's equally I still benefit from feelings for my "ex"(don't say to if I do! but I can no longer Lavish my destiny with him) or if it's equally I in some way now don't benefit from masses trust in guys.

Disclose two months ago my "ex" confessed to me that he still loves me, and never motionless loving me. He has trendy me having a boyfriend, and we are now undisputable good friends, but I can tell he's jealous. And so he told me I just promptly started cry for. Why? Was it equally I wanted him to say that 7 months sooner? Or equally I was happy.. I don't say to. At the rear I sort of felt like I was "free".

I don't say to what I feel. I don't say to what to do. I'm so smooth. I undisputable wish I knew just what to do, and how to do it. I forte love my boyfriend, if so, I haven't realised it. Sometimes I wish love was easier, but I speculation it's not perceived to be. I feel like a bad person for constant thinking all of these matter. But I popular to hand out it with someone.

-girl.


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