Being in the single pool once again can be a tough scanario for many divorced men. It's unfamiliar territory and it's a little frightening.
In part of 1 this article, I discussed the first 5 steps you must take in order to break through this mindset and start dating, and more importantly ENJOY being single once again.
here are the next 5 steps in the process:
STEP 6- Have a game plan
When you actually meet women that you find attractive, what will you do? What will you say and how will you behave? If you are one of the guys who is completely at a loss for words, you may want to invest in yourself by reading a couple of books, attending seminars or workshops.
This requires you to leave your ego at the door, as it's no different than deciding to hire a personal fitness trainer at your gym. If you don't know what you're doing, find guys who are proficient at it, seek their advice, and model what they do.
In my seminars and workshops, I have encountered all sorts of men, single and divorced, from office workers to engineers to doctors. If you leave your ego at the door, you'll start getting the results you want.
Make sure you seek advice that produces results, regardless of whom you go to for it. This leads me to a subsection of step 6.
Avoid poor advice. Please, stay away from the Dr. Phil and dear Abbey dating advice that will make you want to hang yourself. If that type of advice has ever worked for you, then please, by all means go for it. In my observation, guys often experience worse results due to that sort of advice. Enough said on this one.
STEP 7-Excommunicate the ex
Never ever complain about your marriage or your ex. I don't care if your ex was a demon who crawled out of the depths of hell to torment you, do not mention her!
Do not talk about her. Please! See a professional therapist of some sort to work out your angry feeling towards her. She is not a conversational topic for the new women you're dating. This is an often repeated costly mistake.
I know you're upset and I know the temptation to badmouth here is great. However, you ought to realize that when you're doing this, your ex-wife is still controlling your life as she is costing you dates, mates, and peace of mind, because you are allowing her to consume your thoughts.
STOP allowing her to run your life.
I feel silly for having to even write this, but I have come across such a plethora of men who seem determined to shoot themselves in the foot by discussing their ex too quickly.
Once you have been dating your new mate for some time, you can perhaps discuss a few things and share some funny battle stories if you really insist on doing so. (I said a few, like twice a year).
Focus on the positive! Do not dwell on the negative.
Most people understand that divorce is a bitter experience and there is no need for you to elaborate on this.
And seriously, how can you enjoy a GREAT time with this new person you're spending time with, when you're recalling bad memories and negative emotions from the last person you were with? Let her go out of your mind.
STEP 8 *Do not jump into another relationship immediately
At this point, full-fledged relationships may resonate with you because they present that sense of familiarity. Again, it's like the old guy who wanted to go back to the Shawshank prison because as horrible as the situation was, it made sense. (note: I am not comparing marriage to a prison, even if some of my pals would like to make that claim.)
What I am saying is this: If you were divorced a few months ago after a lengthy marriage, you probably are not ready to jump into another super serious relationships. They say time wounds heals and you need the time to heal.
Go out and date a few different women. Don't compare each woman to your ex. I don't care if your ex-wife could convert water into wine; it's over with. Apparently, it was really crappy wine, because you didn't want to say.
Having fun ought to be part of your focus. Again, It is essential to start surrounding yourself with men who genuinely like to go out and have a good time. If you're hanging out with guys who resemble the disheveled weatherbeaten looking members of Al Bundy's no-mam club who like to bitch and snivel, you're going to be surrounded in that negative energy. Befriend people who are positive.
STEP 9- Fix up your pad, pal
Create an environment that is conducive to entertaining female guests. It doesn't matter if you lost the house in the settlement. Whatever! Your current place of residence should be presentable. I could easily write another lengthy article on what would create a home that is female-friendly.
For a start, make sure it's clean, paying extra attention to the bathroom and the kitchen. If your bathroom looks like it's hosting species of organisms not yet recognized by modern science, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Clean up the place even if it takes paying a housekeeper.
STEP 10 *Be comfortable with the fact that you have kids
Again, this goes back to attitude! I can't tell you how many guys are so worried about the fact that they have kids.
Listen, will there be some women who won't be interested in a relationship because of your kids? Yes, but there will be MANY who will be fine with it. I know guys who have girlfriend 10 year younger, who happen to have a few kids.
Is that weird? No.
In fact, I am now going to share something that is going to be some of the most invaluable dating advice you'll ever receive in your life:
*It's only weird if you think it's weird*
If you think it's weird, you will have created limiting beliefs that will control your behavior accordingly. If you let go of that belief, you will realize that there is no truth in it. You'll realize it's something that is a generalization that you created in your heard based upon unsound ideas
Destroy the limiting belief and create a new one, a new belief that says it's possible to date attractive and interesting women regardless of if you have kids, and regardless of if you are divorced.
Whether you are divorced or are divorced with kids, there are plenty of single women who will date you. Many guys are already doing this. You can do it as well. It's important to know what attract women and the responsibility falls on you to present your most attractive self.
I strongly recommend you read part 1 of this article. Implement the 10 steps and notice how your dating life and attitude will change.
Author: Cameron Teone is a well known dating coach who teaches dating seminars & "Field-workshops" where he accompanies men to various social venues to demonstrate and provide live feedback on how to Meet, Approach, Attract, ">- baLooT Inc 2007 -
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