Well, this is the final post in the Put a Ring on It series. Whether marriage is the furthest thing from your mind, or whether you're itching to put on that white dress and veil... I do hope that I've inspired a bit of reflection concerning getting married before or during college. I'm going to finish up with some do's and don'ts before saying "I do."
DO:
Discuss life's big questions. Kids, money, religion, sex, careers, where to live. For a marriage to work, it's important that you and your man share the same ideas, hopes, and values concerning those things. (For a great article on looking before you leap, click here.)
DON'T:
Pressure him into it. Your guy may be head-over-heels in love with you, completely committed to you, and totally planning on making you his wife someday. But if you start putting the pressure on him to buy a ring, propose, and race to the nearest chapel, he may start to feel uncomfortable with how fast you're moving. If he feels too pressured, chances are he'll look for the nearest exit. It's okay (and good) to discuss marriage, especially if you're in a serious relationship and have been together for a few years. But make sure you're on the same page.
DO:
Enjoy dating. Chances are, you'll be married for most of your adult life. So don't take for granted the dates, the butterflies you get when you get to see him after time spent apart, and the stupid arguments. Once you're married, things will be different... not bad, but different. You'll see each other so much you'll get on each other's nerves, even if you hate to admit it. You'll get to see all his gross habits up close and personal. And you'll fight over more serious things. So enjoy the bf/gf thing while it lasts.
DON'T:
Be pressured into marriage. Maybe he's the one that's so antsy to get married and you don't want to move so fast. Yeah, it probably feels amazing to have your guy be so excited about being your husband. And of course the thought of a diamond ring and lovely gown make you giddy with excitement. But if you don't feel ready for whatever reason, make sure he knows. It's important to be on the same page when it comes to getting married. It's crucial to the marriage's success.
DO:
Consider pre-marital counseling. If you are young and determined to tie the knot regardless of what anyone says about age, consider pre-marital counseling. Seriously. It will benefit you greatly in preparing you for a successful marriage. Not only will you know what to expect when it comes to budgeting, compromising, handling arguments, and making big life decisions but it will also help prepare you for the emotional aspects of getting married.
DON'T:
Set an agenda. While there's nothing wrong with planning for your future, don't obsess to the point of scheduling your entire life out. If you base your happiness on being graduated by age 22, engaged by age 22 and half, employed by age 23, married by age 24, and a mother of two beautiful children by age 27... well, you might just be disappointed. It is good to plan, but life doesn't always work out according to plan. Be flexible with your life. Don't fix yourself or your boyfriend/fiancee/husband to a rigid schedule. If one of those things were not to work out properly, it might disrupt your entire future and cause you to panic. (Additionally, this can make guys feel pressured, think you're crazy, or run away.)
DO:
Dream! It's natural for girls to look forward to marriage. You might have had your entire wedding planned out by the time you were seven. Of course you look forward to that day when you get to walk down the aisle in a gorgeous gown with everyone's eyes on you and your handsome, wonderful lover waiting for you with an amazed smiled. It's okay to get excited about weddings. It's okay to watch wedding-tv-show marathons. It's okay to fantasize about all the details--flowers, location, favors. It's okay to haunt wedding blogs and websites for inspiration. All that stuff is typically part of being a girl. And isn't it outrageously fun to think about your own wedding? You may feel like you want to experience it as soon as possible, but don't take for granted the excitement leading up to that big day. After all, when it's over it's over. So savor all this time you get to dream about it. It come soon enough. :)
I'll end with some interesting statistics:
27.6% of women who get married before
the age of 20 will end up divorced.
36.6% of women who get married between
the ages of 20-24 will end up divorced.
But... for women who get married between the
ages of 25-29, only 16.4% will end up in divorce.
The divorce steadily decreases as age increases past 30.
(Click here for source.)
Any final insights from female pre-college and college students? I'd love to hear them. :)
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